On sacrifice, listening, and learning: A love letter to my mom
I have so many favorite mom memories. The time she delivered the most shockingly beautiful, exquisitely written speech at my wedding (before ChatGPT and Claude existed!); so vulnerable and heartfelt, expressing parts of herself she rarely lets others see. Or the time, just recently, when we were together in Paris, one of my favorite food cities in the world, and I was getting annoyed because she wasn't feeling well and wasn't up for eating much (eating is the hobby I'm best at). Then, almost in an instant, I got sick, and she instantly took care of me.
Both of these mom memories expertly showcase two important mom lessons: one, jump at the opportunity to sacrifice for your child (at any age), and two, always be willing to listen and learn from them. My mom does both exquisitely well.
Sacrifice
My parents divorced when I was in second grade, around seven or eight years old. It was a tumultuous time for all of us. But when I look back, I don't think about the fights and the tears. I think about how my mom, now a single mother working full time with over an hour commute each way, kept us in our town despite it being one of the most unaffordable cities in California. She bought a house so we could stay in the same school, got my brother and I new furniture for our rooms, and even got us pets: my brother got a kitten and I got a puppy. She even let us paint our rooms whatever color we wanted; I chose purple and pink and my brother went with dark blue. I didn't know it then, but she was teaching me what it means to be a mom: that sacrifice becomes instinct, and that you do anything to soothe your child's tears and heal their heart.
Listen & learn
Despite everything she did, I was still an ungrateful, attitude-y teenager, and it only got worse as I got older, straining our relationship. That changed when I got engaged and, shortly after, totaled my car in an accident. I was car-less with a full calendar of wedding appointments: dress fittings, and makeup and hair trials scattered miles apart. Who drove me to all of them? My mom. Those drives became the time and space we needed to rebuild, and our relationship blossomed. I was able to tell her that my love language is words of affirmation and not only did she listen, she evolved to give me the kind of love I'd always wanted from her.
As Taylor Swift sings in Cardigan: "When you are young, they assume you know nothing." My mom never did that. She listens, takes in what I'm saying, and uses it to genuinely grow. She always told me growing up that people only change when they truly want to and in that, she's always shown me her willingness to change for me. Recognizing that you have something to learn from your child is humbling and it takes someone who puts their ego aside for love.
These two mom lessons have stayed with me, and I hope they'll shape me as I possibly step into motherhood myself.
Before I close, one last thing:
Mom, thank you for everything you've done for me and my brother, and everything you continue to do. It does not go unnoticed. It will influence how I raise my own child one day, which is the greatest gift you could give me. Something that passes from you, to me, to maybe my child. I promise to carry your lessons forward and keep them close, in hopes that my child learns them from me the way I learned them from you. Your impact will be felt for generations.
Thank you.