Learning how to be a good dog mom the hard way

No one teaches you how to be a great dog owner. At least, I didn’t get the memo. I’ve made mistakes with my dog, Butters; mistakes I deeply regret and that will stay with me for the rest of my life. But I’ve learned from them, and I won’t make them again. I’m just grateful that Butters is still with us, so I have the chance to make things right by showering him with all the love he deserves, every single day.

Pet ownership is a MASSIVE responsibility: I got Butters as a puppy. My mom fostered him after he was born, along with his siblings, and I decided to adopt him when I was just 23 years old. He was the first dog I’d ever owned on my own, and because I believe in radical honesty and authenticity, I’ll say this plainly: that was mistake number one.

I was young, fresh out of college, and just beginning my career as a broadcast journalist, which meant I was rarely home. Butters would be alone without going outside to potty for 10 to 12 hours at a time. It’s hard to admit this out loud, but I didn’t know any better then. I thought having a dog would be fun; I didn’t understand the weight of the responsibility.

I don’t want to make it sound like he had a terrible life, I did a lot of good things, too. I took him everywhere with me. When I’d fly from Omaha to Denver just to get my haircut, Butters came with me. I took him to get his shots and his teeth cleaned. And because I felt so bad about him being home alone for so long, I got him a friend, a kitty that I named Ezra. We took Christmas photos together. When snow got stuck in his fur between his toes, I’d run warm water over his paws to melt it. When he was sick and had diarrhea all night, I slept on the floor with him, cleaning up every accident. And because I was on TV, so was Butters.

I know many dog parents leave their dogs alone for long periods of time, but for me personally, and for the government of Sweden, whose law states that dogs cannot be left alone for more than six hours, it’s a mistake I won’t make again. I want to be there for my dog, ensuring he has access to social interaction and regular walks to support his mental and physical well-being.

Dogs deserve your best, all the time: Fast forward about ten years, and Butters was living with my mom. During much of that period, I was barely surviving mental illness and living with my then-boyfriend, now husband, in an apartment without a backyard and in an area where it didn’t feel safe to walk him after dark. I wasn’t in a position to care for Butters full-time the way he deserved.

It’s difficult to admit this, but that era of my life narrowed my world to simple survival and healing. My patience was thin, my emotional reserves were depleted, and I was focused solely on getting better and better each day.

One weekend, while my mom was out of town and I was caring for Butters, I nearly made the catastrophic mistake of giving him to a rescue organization for older dogs. It pains me to say this, but I was so frustrated and overwhelmed that I convinced myself it was the only option.

Thank goodness for my mom. After talking it through with her, we went back the next day and brought him home.

Don’t get a pet unless you’re willing to do the hard work: Fast forward again, and Butters came back to live with me around his 14th birthday in 2024. By then, I was healthy and overjoyed to have him back in my life.

A few months later, seemingly out of nowhere, Butters was in extreme pain and neither I nor his vet knew why. It tore me apart. I did everything I could to help him. I spent many nights sleeping on the floor next to him, and when he woke up yelping in pain, I was there.

After countless vet visits, we finally had an answer: IVDD, a spinal condition. Butters needed heavy pain medication and strict crate rest for nearly two months. Thankfully, it worked. He hasn’t had an IVDD episode in over a year, and he’s about to turn 16 years old.

Get pet insurance. Seriously: Since his IVDD diagnosis, Butters has also dealt with pancreatitis, bad teeth, and an eye ulcer, all of which have cost us a lot of money. As dogs age, things start breaking down, and they need to go to the vet A LOT.

I’m not one of those dog parents trying to prolong his life just for a few extra moments with him. These have been ordinary, unavoidable issues, the kind that come with loving an aging dog. Having pet insurance would have made all of this so much easier. I will never not have pet insurance again.

Love them like babies: If all of this has taught me anything, it’s to love our dogs the way we love our kids. Pets are our shadows. They give us unconditional love every second of their lives, and they deserve all the love we can possibly give in return.

Now that Butters is approaching 16 years old, and after everything we’ve been through, together and apart, my singular focus is making sure he has the best, most loved life possible: being there when he wakes up from his naps (which is basically all he does these days), cleaning up his potty accidents, playing with him when he’s feeling up for it, and telling him, every single second, how deeply he’s loved.

I may have made some terrible mistakes during his life, but they’ve taught me lessons I will carry with me forever, and I hope the impact of those lessons reaches far beyond just me.