It’s okay to be a fangirl at 38 (or at any age)
Being vulnerable usually comes easily to me, but after writing this blog, I thought, is this too honest? My inner dialogue told me I sounded much younger than my age, and I second-guessed whether I should reveal this much about myself. After all, who is still this fanatical at my age, when work, bills, money, family, and the constant hum of current events take up so much mental space? But maybe that’s exactly the point. Because the world can often feel like too much sometimes, maybe it’s critical to our mental wellbeing that we find an escape from the mundane, something that breathes life back into us and stimulates joy and girlhood.
While it may seem insane to many to be this obsessed with a musical artist, it may just be the thing keeping me sane.
Music brings out the girl in me, from swooning over spellbinding lyrics to spending my savings on front row concert tickets. My passion knows no boundaries. But over the holidays, I made a decision that was both sad and incredibly necessary… I finally fell out of love with Shakira 💔
Tbh, “it's been a long time coming.”
As you may remember, I saw Shakira in concert in August 2025, and I was completely disappointed with the show. TL;DR: I felt like the spectacle lacked authenticity and genuine connection with the audience. As a lifelong fan, I left the show feeling drained rather than inspired.
So when Shakira announced some “Up Close & Personal” shows in Miami for December 2025, I thought, okay, this is what I was missing from the stadium show at SoFi. Thinking this might give me the soul-connecting, invigorating experience I’d been hoping for, I bought row four, floor seats without hesitation.
Over the next few weeks, my husband and I got absolutely pumped for the show and tossed around ideas of what “Up Close & Personal” could mean. Could it be something similar to her MTV Unplugged show? Or, something like her newly released Spotify Anniversary recording?
Our tickets were for the Monday show, but there were also Saturday and Sunday performances before ours. So naturally, I tracked down fan videos and photos from the Saturday night show as soon as I could and they told me everything I needed to know.
The show wasn’t “designed” specifically for a smaller, more intimate venue at Hard Rock Live. It was the exact same show we’d already seen at SoFi, just pared down, with fewer people in the audience. Nothing new. 💔💔💔
Call me dramatic, but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back after too many cancellations and reschedulings. Selling a show as something specially designed for intimacy and then failing to deliver on that promise came across as lazy to me. It felt like a complete lack of intention. A missed opportunity to gift something truly special to the fans.
Like a long-term relationship I’d been holding onto long after it had run its course, my feelings for someone else had already been growing. Enter: Taylor Alison Swift.
“Oh, hi!”
My affinity for Taylor Swift built slowly and then exploded into a full-on love affair when I saw the Eras Tour on November 16 *and* 17 in 2024 in Toronto, one of the very last stops of the tour.
Admittedly, I wasn’t a Swiftie when Eras Tour tickets originally went on sale back in 2022. But like so many others, the community surrounding the tour eventually consumed me and pulled me in.
My gateway songs were “Don’t Blame Me,” “All Too Well,” and “Lavender Haze.”
Then, when the Eras Tour movie dropped on Disney+ in 2023, my mom came over and we watched the whole thing. And I cried, profusely. I was fully undone. I remember watching the performance of “Lover,” sobbing and thinking: that’s exactly how I feel!
From there, I started watching Eras Tour livestreams on TikTok and eventually started tracking resale ticket prices for the final 2024 shows and asking myself, should I go to London? (I should have. “I have a lot of regrets about that.”)
If you’ve picked up on a theme, it’s that I give 0% or 150%, there is no in between. So after debating between Miami and Toronto, I ultimately chose Toronto because I could get the best bang for my buck for FRONT ROW FLOOR SEATS.
“How’d we end up on the floor anyway?”
I won’t hide the fact that the resale market was absolutely unhinged 💸💸💸 but like I said, I commit at 150% and ended up buying two separate tickets and flew to Toronto for N2 and N3.
N2
For N2, I sat in the lower bowl. It was the perfect introduction to the Eras Tour because that night wasn’t really about Taylor for me, it was about the Swifties.
While Taylor felt physically far away that night, the Swiftie fandom completely engulfed me. The energy was palpable, the love, the passion, the collective joy. It was intoxicating. I didn’t think it could possibly get better.
N3
For N3, I made my way down to the floor, first row. And it was everything you’d imagine. I was so close. On N2, I sang. I danced. I moved with the crowd. On N3, I was stunned. Speechless. I could barely move. Seriously! Completely in awe of what I was witnessing; it was truly an “Up Close & Personal” experience, not just because of my proximity to Taylor but because despite the size of the stadium, it felt like an intimate experience, like I was the only one in the audience.
“I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home.”
After the show, I walked back to my Airbnb that night on a high I never came down from.
The Eras Tour shows I attended in Toronto will “Long Live” in my “top five” life moments, right alongside seeing the Amalfi Coast for the first time, meeting my husband, going on our first date, and marrying him on a cliff overlooking the ocean in my home state of California (not ranked. I swear 😉).
Since attending the Eras Tour in 2024, I have proceeded to listen to nothing but Taylor Swift (I have a lot of music to catch up on!). In 2025, my Spotify Wrapped told me that Taylor Swift was my top artist, having listened to her for nearly 11,000 minutes that year, ranking me as a top 0.2% global fan.
It was the end of an era, but the start of an age
I’m not trying to compare Shakira’s concert to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Comparing anything to the Eras Tour would be unfair. All I’m saying is that like the great loves of our lives, some musical artists come into our world for an era or two or three, and others become the love that stays. Shakira was exactly what I needed as a young girl, growing up in a town where I felt different from everyone else. She gave me confidence and validation. But now, as I shed my fanaticism for Shakira and say hello to a new love, it feels only fitting to borrow Taylor’s words:
“I once believed love would be (burning red)
But it's golden.” ✨
Maybe this all sounds a little juvenile. But as I approach 39 this year, and 40 next, I’m grateful to have something that brings out my inner child and keeps me feeling young at heart everyday. All I have to do is click “play.”